Jumping the gun…. Lol

Ok,ok,ok… 

So maybe I jumped the gun with all this holiday spirit crap…lol

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not the Grinch! That would be much husband’s title. Just ask his niece. 

Anyway after my last blog I woke up refreshed an ready to tackle Christmas full force…..

Ok!!! What was I thinking??? I look in the shed to see boxes an boxes of Christmas crap that I haven’t used in a couple years and all of the sudden I’m thinking to myself… Have you lost your mind????

Well nope not completely… You know what I did? Yep I shut that she’d door and came inside. Not that I’m totally not doing Christmas… I’m just not making more work for myself… Baby steps….😂😂😂😂

I’m still gonna get gifts, bake cookies an listen to jingle bells and all the other mushy stuff…. But I am not decorating a full house for only 30 days…. 

#sorrynotsorry

That’s to all my supporters 

Love Mrs. Grinch 😘

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UGGGG The Holidaze!!!!!

Well I am sure you can see by the title that the holidays are not one of the favorite times of the year around here….

Not sure what happened or who stole my Christmas joy, but I can tell you It has not been the same since Grandma passed! I think the lady herself held everything about this family in place!!!!!  (I sure do miss you) 😦

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Times have been rough, its like we dont even really have a family anymore…. I miss doing all the things we used to do…. I tried for a long time as you can see later in photos but I just cant hold it together like she did… I have no idea how she did it for all those years!

I guess when people loose whats most important it affects more than just them, it affects the whole family!

Sure I watch all the Christmas movies and those stupid Hallmark movies and sit here and cry, but i would never tell anyone that so shhhhh……

I have been a little overwhelmed here lately with life in general…. For those who dont know me I will tell ya a little story about my past!

It was 2005 and I was on a wild streak doing drugs and drinking a lot. I am not going to go into a lot of detail but I lost my kids to CPS. Needless to say it was right before Christmas. I began to drink myself to death and wound up in the psych unit twice in one month. (Believe Me It was not a Pretty Site)!!!!! I threw my Christmas tree right out the front door, Hey I figured No Family, No Tree!!!!

Anyway after some time I got sober and enjoyed life to the fullest…. Baking, signing Christmas songs, decorating EVERYTHING!!!!! Then one by one my family starting disappearing before my eyes…. Passing away never knowing  the family would be left in pieces. Like I stated earlier I have tried my best to keep the traditions alive and well but it has just become to much to bare!

I figured I would write this in hopes to let everyone know that yes it is the holidays but please keep others in mind that have no family and are not so joyous this time of year… (There are reasons, so be gentle) Someone may need you, as I need my grandma… I hope and pray for her to help this family and bring the spirit of Christmas to us this year…..

Starting today the Grinch will not steal my Christmas!!!!!

Please enjoy these photos of Christmas past and help me welcome back the spirit of Christmas….

Merry Christmas to all

Until next time peeps Keep your head up!!!!

 

Rediscovering Yourself!!!!!

My life revolves around the feeling of not knowing who I am anymore! I wonder what was I like? Who was that girl before life happened! I was looking back on photos (which i will share) but i was thinking what went wrong? How did I end up here…..

Feeling so lost, alone and afraid of every move I make that I might me doing it wrong; and of course I usually am because I am my worst  critic! I can remember the good ‘ol days when life just seemed to be simple, times were slower and well people were nicer…. This world and Yes My decisions  have made me bitter and cold and wanting to numb out all the feelings.

For those who dont know me personally I will let ya in on a little secret! I have used drugs and alcohol to mask these feelings from the world most of my life! Now if you look at me differently knowing this that is okay because you wont be the first and I am sure wont be the last, and as I said before I am my worst critic, and most dangerous person to me is ME! So there’s not much anyone can say or do that I haven’t already to myself!

Okay so now that we got that out of the way lets get back to how to rediscover ourselves and not feel like a crappy person all the time. So how do I find this girl? Is she hiding somewhere within me… I’m chunky so there is lots of places she could be hiding…… 😉

So lets start with what do I like? Well I like Pizza, movies, reading, Writing, nature, photos, art Philosophy….. Okay that looks like a good start. Now how often do I do these things?

Pizza = Sometimes ( Not as much as I would like)

Movies = A Lot ( could be doing other things on list)

Reading = Varies ( Could do more if I cared to)

Writing = More now ( Grateful for starting Blog)

Nature = Not enough ( Not as much as I would like)

Photos = Used to ( Not as much as I would like)

Philosophy = Hardly ever ( Not as much as I would like)

 

Okay so there seems to be a pattern here of ( Not as much as I would like)???? So how can I change it? I want to be that happy and carefree girl again. So I searched the wonderful Google and these are some steps I came up with to helping you find your way.

 

4 Essential Steps to Rediscovering Yourself

It’s impossible to change history.  But we can rediscover ourselves.  We can reclaim our seemingly lost qualities and talents.  And even our very essence, our soul.  It is never too late.

Here are four essential steps to help you rediscover yourself.

  1. Recognize the Loss

Are you living life on automatic?  That’s the essence of being lost.  Busyness conveniently covers the pain. But one day, a trickle of grace filters through.  A tiny light illuminates a slice of darkness.

When that happens, don’t hesitate for a moment!  Capture the grace, dwell in the light, and dare to ask:  “Have I lost a part of myself?”  The answer may instantaneously appear. Or, like me, the question may dance for awhile in the deepest recesses of your brain until clarity beautifully dawns.

  1. Identify the Missing Parts

What are you missing? Have you lost yourself altogether?  Or are you missing pieces and parts?  Try using some of the methods listed in part 4 – like writing, dialog, or art – to unearth the truth.

Questions for reflection:

  • Who am I? Is this who I want to be?
  • What am I missing?
  • Which parts am I missing?
  • What am I longing for?
  • What were my dreams as a child, a teen, a young adult?
  • What were my passions as a child, a teen, a young adult?
  • How do I want my life to look?  Today?  In 5 years? When I die?
  • What are my values?
  • What do I cherish most highly?
  • What brings me happiness, satisfactions, a sense of accomplishment?
  1. Explore How You Got Off Track

There are so many ways you can lose yourself. From the voice of your own inner tyrant to the people and circumstances that touch you constantly throughout the day.  Any one of us can easily feel swept away by the countless demands, expectations, and overriding commitments that come to rule one’s life in a seemingly inescapable way.

Credited :

http://alwayswellwithin.com/2011/01/12/have-you-lost-a-part-of-yourself/

Until next time…. Enjoy the photos , BTW I am the little blonde…