I have done a lot of soul searching recently and have come to the conclusion that not everyone is good to have in your life!
Some say your parents are yours forever no matter what!!!!
Well they are right, I mean you cant literally change who made you but that doesn’t mean that you have to allow them into your life if they seem to corrupt it…. Sometimes its better to let them go if the stress is too much for you.
I have let my father Go! Its sad that I never really had one; well I take that back I had my papaw and that is who I will remember even though he has passed. That is the man who I consider my true father!!! He was there for me no matter what, he showed me how to through ball, how to be a hard worker, how to fix stuff and even how to be just a good person!
My real father was never around… But to hear him tell it he was always there….. When he did show up which wasent often it was like he was the world!!!! However most of the time I sat looking out the window waiting for someone that would never show!!!!! And maybe that part of me is that part of him; as I am not the best parent myself!!! So why do these things stick with us? Cant I just move on?
I have always looked for love in all the wrong places. Possibly looking for that father figure. I would sleep around with older guys and put myself in situations that were dangerous. All to be let down in the morning or the next week or however long it took to realize I could never find what I was looking for!!!!
I dont understand how I have let this little piece of me take so much of my life as if it were a huge grenade that exploded and took ruin to everything good about the person I was meant to be!
My mom always told me that I was sensitive growing up that she couldn’t even hardly yell at me without me getting my feelings hurt and begin to cry! So maybe that is what happened; this world made me cold! You know because sensitive people dont make it in the world we live in!!!!
Even though I wouldn’t know what a real father is supposed to do or how to act except for good ‘ol papaw…. I do know how their not supposed to act!
I know that you dont cause harm or take them places that could cause harm… Knowing past issues! You dont only need your kid when you need help with something! You dont take things for granted because you have a parental authority…..
Which is why I have let my father go!!!
I know I left details out but that may be another story, another day!!!!
I dont even know when or if I will publish this, but it felt good to let it out……
Thank you for reading.
Comments and follows are always welcome!!!!!
Until next time….. Carry on, stand tall, keep your eye on the prize!!!!