Rediscovering Yourself!!!!!

My life revolves around the feeling of not knowing who I am anymore! I wonder what was I like? Who was that girl before life happened! I was looking back on photos (which i will share) but i was thinking what went wrong? How did I end up here…..

Feeling so lost, alone and afraid of every move I make that I might me doing it wrong; and of course I usually am because I am my worst  critic! I can remember the good ‘ol days when life just seemed to be simple, times were slower and well people were nicer…. This world and Yes My decisions  have made me bitter and cold and wanting to numb out all the feelings.

For those who dont know me personally I will let ya in on a little secret! I have used drugs and alcohol to mask these feelings from the world most of my life! Now if you look at me differently knowing this that is okay because you wont be the first and I am sure wont be the last, and as I said before I am my worst critic, and most dangerous person to me is ME! So there’s not much anyone can say or do that I haven’t already to myself!

Okay so now that we got that out of the way lets get back to how to rediscover ourselves and not feel like a crappy person all the time. So how do I find this girl? Is she hiding somewhere within me… I’m chunky so there is lots of places she could be hiding…… 😉

So lets start with what do I like? Well I like Pizza, movies, reading, Writing, nature, photos, art Philosophy….. Okay that looks like a good start. Now how often do I do these things?

Pizza = Sometimes ( Not as much as I would like)

Movies = A Lot ( could be doing other things on list)

Reading = Varies ( Could do more if I cared to)

Writing = More now ( Grateful for starting Blog)

Nature = Not enough ( Not as much as I would like)

Photos = Used to ( Not as much as I would like)

Philosophy = Hardly ever ( Not as much as I would like)

 

Okay so there seems to be a pattern here of ( Not as much as I would like)???? So how can I change it? I want to be that happy and carefree girl again. So I searched the wonderful Google and these are some steps I came up with to helping you find your way.

 

4 Essential Steps to Rediscovering Yourself

It’s impossible to change history.  But we can rediscover ourselves.  We can reclaim our seemingly lost qualities and talents.  And even our very essence, our soul.  It is never too late.

Here are four essential steps to help you rediscover yourself.

  1. Recognize the Loss

Are you living life on automatic?  That’s the essence of being lost.  Busyness conveniently covers the pain. But one day, a trickle of grace filters through.  A tiny light illuminates a slice of darkness.

When that happens, don’t hesitate for a moment!  Capture the grace, dwell in the light, and dare to ask:  “Have I lost a part of myself?”  The answer may instantaneously appear. Or, like me, the question may dance for awhile in the deepest recesses of your brain until clarity beautifully dawns.

  1. Identify the Missing Parts

What are you missing? Have you lost yourself altogether?  Or are you missing pieces and parts?  Try using some of the methods listed in part 4 – like writing, dialog, or art – to unearth the truth.

Questions for reflection:

  • Who am I? Is this who I want to be?
  • What am I missing?
  • Which parts am I missing?
  • What am I longing for?
  • What were my dreams as a child, a teen, a young adult?
  • What were my passions as a child, a teen, a young adult?
  • How do I want my life to look?  Today?  In 5 years? When I die?
  • What are my values?
  • What do I cherish most highly?
  • What brings me happiness, satisfactions, a sense of accomplishment?
  1. Explore How You Got Off Track

There are so many ways you can lose yourself. From the voice of your own inner tyrant to the people and circumstances that touch you constantly throughout the day.  Any one of us can easily feel swept away by the countless demands, expectations, and overriding commitments that come to rule one’s life in a seemingly inescapable way.

Credited :

http://alwayswellwithin.com/2011/01/12/have-you-lost-a-part-of-yourself/

Until next time…. Enjoy the photos , BTW I am the little blonde…

Issues…. We all Got’em

I have done a lot of soul searching recently and have come to the conclusion that not everyone is good to have in your life!

Some say your parents are yours forever no matter what!!!!

Well they are right, I mean you cant literally change who made you but that doesn’t mean that you have to allow them into your life if they seem to corrupt it…. Sometimes its better to let them go if the stress is too much for you.

I have let my father Go! Its sad that I never really had one; well I take that back I had my papaw and that is who I will remember even though he has passed. That is the man who I consider my true father!!! He was there for me no matter what, he showed me how to through ball, how to be a hard worker, how to fix stuff and even how to be just a good person!

My real father was never around… But to hear him tell it he was always there….. When he did show up which wasent often it was like he was the world!!!! However most of the time I sat looking out the window waiting for someone that would never show!!!!! And maybe that part of me is that part of him; as I am not the best parent myself!!! So why do these things stick with us? Cant I just move on?

I have always looked for love in all the wrong places. Possibly looking for that father figure. I would sleep around with older guys and put myself in situations that were dangerous. All to be let down in the morning or the next week or however long it took to realize I could never find what I was looking for!!!!

I dont understand how I have let this little piece of me take so much of my life as if it were a huge grenade that exploded and took ruin to everything good about the person I was meant to be!

My mom always told me that I was sensitive growing up that she couldn’t even hardly yell at me without me getting my feelings hurt and begin to cry! So maybe that is what happened; this world made me cold! You know because sensitive people dont make it in the world we live in!!!!

Even though I wouldn’t know what a real father is supposed to do or how to act except for good ‘ol papaw…. I do know how their not supposed to act!

I know that you dont cause harm or take them places that could cause harm… Knowing past issues! You dont only need your kid when you need help with something! You dont take things for granted because you have a parental authority…..

Which is why I have let my father go!!!

I know I left details out but that may be another story, another day!!!!

I dont even know when or if I will publish this, but it felt good to let it out……

Thank you for reading.

Comments and follows are always welcome!!!!!

Until next time….. Carry on, stand tall, keep your eye on the prize!!!!

 

 

“Little Bit”

It is a sad day in my little world! You see I found a dog, (nothing new if you know me personally) they have a tendency of finding me! Ask my husband as we have 4 dogs already lol well 7 if you want to include the ones next door at my mom’s house…..
However this dog right here I have been fostering since Sunday hoping to reunite her with her owners L but no luck has come. Little Bit (That’s what I have been calling her) well because I am not supposed to name her and she is so much smaller than my other dogs…. I am supposed to be finding her a home but I just really Love her as I do all dogs. She loves my husband also, she snuggles with him more than she does me… it’s kind of funny to see a grown man and a little bitty dog but they really do fit quit well together…. To her He is her protector, her life saver, her forever home; although he loves dogs just not as much as I do!!!
Anyway the point to this is in trying to find “Little Bit” a home I have come to the conclusion that I don’t think anyone is good enough for her, or can take care of her the way she should be…… Call me the crazy dog lady if you want but, my dogs are like my kids…. Don’t tell my kids but I probably love the dogs more….lol my dogs don’t argue with me, call me mean or anything…. Worst thing they do is have an accident on the floor! They love me truly and deeply unconditionally.
Little Bit is such a character she has little dog syndrome which is the same for humans…. When you have to bark and growl at all the bigger dogs to let them know you will NOT be taken down easy….. She is so lovable and tries so very hard to fit in with the pack but my big dogs see her as an outsider! Now I know I have raised them better than that but they have lived a sheltered life meaning they are their mommy’s babies and now out of the blue mommy is loving on this new little fur ball…..I am sure they are thinking this is a bunch of crap as I have been getting those looks as if I am a traitor…. I tried to explain to them that what if they were lost and needed help wouldn’t you want someone to be nice to you? However my talks are not seeming to work.
So moral of the story is I am in search of a forever home for “Little Bit”! Until I find one that I see is fit for the life of the queen she is she will remain here in her temporary palace. Pic placed below so you can fall in love too!

UPDATE: Little bit is still with us in her Temporary “Forever” Home!!!!! I am not seeing her finding another and as you can see my husband has grown kind of fond of her as well!!!!

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My Little Bit